Mr. W4 loves bugs. He recently had a large beetle as his "pet," but this beetle met his (or maybe her) demise early. One night inside a jar (with holes in the lid) seemed to be more "cultural stress" than he/she could handle. So the next day, Dano & Mr. W4 "set it free" outside. (However, later that day, we think we saw the same beetle alive outside! So maybe it has a smart survival strategy!) So later that night after Mr. W4 went to bed, Dano hit the jackpot and found a Rhinoceros Beetle! As far as bugs go, it is ultimately cool! Now, I don't want them crawling on me or running around inside my house, but it is one cool bug!
So, meet the new beetle:
Now on to the story...
I had gone to the store. Dano was home with the kids. When I got home, they were all outside, and Mr. W4 was playing with his new beetle on the teras (our front porch). There was also a large group of boys in our yard playing soccer as they usually are in the afternoon. I began taking the groceries inside and putting them away. When I walked back outside, I witnessed a horrible scene. The grandma who lives next door was kicking our beetle out into the street & a 13 year old boy and grandma were out in the street stoning it to death. I could NOT believe my eyes. I have to say, at first, I was furious. I had to stop and assess the situation. The thoughts in my mind were questions of why on earth did they come to my porch and take away my son's pet and kill it?! Of course, these questions make a mother bear type of response want to explode out of me. But thankfully, I have enough self-control to take in a few deep breaths and reassess the situation.
I saw the mother who lives in the other part of our house and all the boys who were playing soccer at the edge of my teras. I realized that she was talking to us. She was explaining in Indonesian, that the Sunda people do not like these bugs. They think they will make your stomach sick. They must be killed. I told her that we had read that a lot of Indonesians keep them as pets and play with them and they are safe. She assured me that they did not do this. At this time, they see that Mr. W4 is devastated and hysterically crying with his face buried in Dano's belly. Now they were very confused. The mother from next door came over and joined the discussion. I told them that we had wanted to keep it as a pet. It was for Mr. W4, and he had been playing with it.
Of course, at this moment, they were devastated. They felt horrible. They had no idea. They began to apologize and say that they don't like them, but if we wanted to keep one as a pet, we may. Of course, I'm thinking it is a little late for us to keep THAT beetle! And I'm also wondering why we didn't have this discussion BEFORE they kicked the beetle out in the street. By this time, however, I was beginning to understand their motives for killing the beetle. They were helping us. I assured them that we were not mad (and by this time I wasn't mad ... confused? yes! frustrated? yes! mad? no!). I assured them that I understood they were trying to help. I believed it, too. It did not make me less sad for my son though.
Thankfully the principle of "Assume Goodwill" had prevailed and paid off. If I had reacted instead of stepping back for a minute, I could have damaged our relationship with our landlord and neighbors. It also would have been a horrible example for my children and all the boys watching this scenario play out before their eyes. Once again, I was thankful for the excellent training we had received before moving overseas to live cross-culturally!
Now, here is the rest of the story...
Later Dano & I were talking about what had happened outside earlier that day. This is when he told me what happened when I was putting away the groceries. After I went inside, one of the neighbor boys came over to look at the beetle. Our 4 year old proudly showed it off. The other boy began playing with it. Our son did not mind, but then... things changed. The boy from next door (known to be naughty) took the beetle and began scaring the other boys who had been playing soccer. He was holding the beetle and shoving it in their faces. Remember, this is a LARGE beetle, and apparently most of them have been taught to fear this bug! THEN he put the beetle on one of the boy's back. Of course, that boy began to scream. The screaming drew the attention of the grandmother and the mother. When they joined the scene, they had no idea that this was "our" bug. All they saw was the "feared bug" on the back of one of the little boys. They promptly knocked it down into the dirt, kicked it out of our yard into the street, and heroically stoned it to death!
Knowing that part of the story certainly adds a whole different perspective, doesn't it?!
So while you may not be living cross culturally, I'm sure there are times when you have the same "mother bear" type of reaction. I invite you to step back & "Assume Goodwill" for you may not know the entire story either!
And if you are wondering how Mr. W4 weathered this storm, he is doing okay. We have assured him that if we ever see another Rhinoceros Beetle, we will catch it for him! He holds no grudge against our neighbors nor do we!
